✨ How to make friends

As life goes on, making new friends can be tough. Especially if you've moved to a new town and don't know anyone. 

I’ve moved to a new place 3 times now.

Each time involves countless attempts at joining new sport clubs, going to the same cafe enough times with the hope that they eventually remember my name and chai latte order, going to local markets, and picking up random hobbies all in the hopes of meeting someone with similar interests to become friends.

It’s especially hard when you live in a small transient town where people come and go frequently, so even when you do make friends, they leave in 6-12 months and you start all over again!

In my life so far I’ve moved from Melbourne > Paris > Melbourne > Madrid > Melbourne > Torquay > Jan Juc.

From big cities to small surf towns along the coast, each bring a new challenge of starting from 0 once again. But all come with unique new opportunities to meet friends along the way.

This is why I'd like to share with you the 6 ways that have helped me make new friends. Even if you haven’t moved towns and just struggle to make good quality friends in your area - no matter what age - these will be helpful for you too.

Let’s go my friend.

1. Ask for introductions

This has been a life saver for me. Whenever I've moved to new places or suburbs, I've asked my existing networks if they can introduce me to anyone they know in my new local area. It's a great way to meet people through friends you already know and trust (hopefully they have good judgement!).

2. Join a sport club

Ah yes the trusty sport team. Joining a sport team has been a great way to stay fit and meet new people. There's something special about becoming a team and playing a sport together over 12 weeks and beyond. Even if I didn't really like the sport, I showed up to trainings, put in effort to get to know people and it really paid off. 

I'd recommend searching sports clubs in your local areas, or even regular running or exercise groups. At one point I joined the Surf Coast Ice Baths community and we would dive into the ocean at 6am every morning in winter... ah the things you do to make friends huh.

3. Find your local 

Every time I've moved to a new town, I've researched the best cafes and bars to eventually pick the one that seems the most aligned with my vibe. I then make an effort to go on a regular basis, ordering the same Oat Chai Latte, until I get to the point when I walk in and they say "Oh hey Paz, Oat Chai Latte again?".

I make an effort to ask for their names, see what they're doing on their days off and make conversation (without being creepy or pushy of course). I put effort into the conversation and it's really paid off. 

One day I even brought veggies from my garden to give to the cafe crew and the next night they invited me to a birthday dinner. I was thrilled! I met so many cool people and have stayed in touch with many of them. 

Now I'm not saying that if you bring your cafe veggies they'll invite you to a party... but I think it's the continuous effort and thought that can eventually pay off. 

I now walk into the cafe and 80% of the time see someone I know. It's been a great social point and way to connect with new people. Especially on the days I've felt lonely and not sure who to turn to. I've found comfort walking down there, ordering a chai and getting stuck into a good book (I've been re-reading The Business of Belonging by David Spinks).

4. Join online community groups 

Most towns and major cities have online community groups that you can join. Many are hosted on Facebook or Meetup.com and a simple search online can help find some. Make a request and read through the most recent posts when you join.

This is a great way to stay in the know about what's happening in the local town and potentially connect with people. I've also posted on the groups to give away pre-loved items, or an ask to pick up unwanted cardboard moving boxes. These groups have made me feel a part of the broader community and up to date with anything that's on (such as local karaoke nights or one off Car Boot Sale markets).

5. Consider shared living

Finding a home and living with other people I connect with has been a game changer for me. I've honestly made life long friends through shared living. 

In Madrid, I spoke to Real Estate agents and found an apartment with 6 other women. We cooked together, saw live music shows and watched movies. 7 years on and I'm still connected with them and 1 of them I frequently Facetime and visit in Spain when I can. 

In Paris, I was introduced to someone who had a spare room and we lived together for 6 months. We traveled, practised French together and she introduced me to her friends as well. 

In Torquay, I moved into a house that I found on a local Facebook page. We had a spare room that we needed to fill. I volunteered to write a post and shared in on the Facebook page too. I ended up having over 50+ messages from people, all explaining a bit about themselves too. It was a blessing in disguised. I read the messages and even if the person may have not been a great fit for the house (e.g. they had pets, only looking for 2 months etc.) I asked if they wanted to grab a coffee anyway. I met 10 people and have stayed friends with 5 of them. Plus, the person who did end up moving into the room has become one of my closest friends too. 

Maybe I've been lucky and have had a good run. But the point I'm trying to make here is I've made a conscious effort to put myself out there and to meet as many people as I can. 

But shared living isn't for everyone (especially if you have a family, pets or prefer to live solo). I get it. I would them recommend to make an effort with your neighbours who live close by. Every time I've moved to a new place, I've taken lemons or fresh bread to the people on my street to get to know them. Heck I've even gone next door to play classical guitar with my neighbours kids! There's nothing better than walking home and stopping for a quick chat with the people in my street.

6. Start a pot luck community 

After 2.5 years living in Torquay, my friend Lucy and I created a Surf Coast Women’s Pot Luck Community. 

A group for women along the Surf Coast in Australia to connect at monthly pot luck lunches. A place to meet new people with similar interests, go for a surf, organise a clothes swap, enjoy a vino and have great conversations. All in the hopes of making new friends 🥰

We started a Facebook Messenger chat with 8 women we knew and there’s now 82 people in the group, and counting. Here are some snaps from one of our Sunday Pot Luck lunch 🥂

How did we go about starting this community? 

Here's what we did:

1. Find your person: I met Lucy through a friend of a friend and shared the pot luck community idea with her.

2. Purpose: We brainstormed the purpose and cadence behind the group.

3. Date & Group: We locked in a date for the first pot luck lunch and created a Facebook messenger group (Whatsapp was also an option).

4. Share: We added the amazing women we knew in the community and posted an introduction as to why we created the group, who it's for and how it can evolve. 

5. Invites: We encouraged people to add women that they new and the group quickly grew.

6. Host: We hosted the first lunch, ate delicious food and took photos. We even took a moment before we ate to explain the purpose of the group and why we created it.

7. Follow up: We shared the photos in the group for those that made it and for those who couldn't make it to see the vibe. We then booked in the next date for our catch up.

8. Ongoing: It's helpful to see if anyone wants to host something during the actual catch ups. We then message them personally to co-create it together and encourage them to share it in the group. 

9. Celebrate: We've taken a moment for ourselves to celebrate the beautiful group we've created and can't wait to see how it evolves. 

Alrighty that's it folks. 

I hope this article has helped you on your way to feeling inspired to get back out there and try to make new friends. 

Remember, the power of community is far reaching, in both our professional and personal lives. Making new friends and building a community for yourself also takes time. So be patient and kind to yourself, whilst being open to new possibilities. 

You never know who you might meet 🧡

You made it

Thanks for reading. I’ll be back in your inbox on 17th to answer your most pressing questions.

Which reminds me, have a question you’d like to ask? Hit reply to let me know. I’d love to help you.

Until then,

Paz Pisarski
Co-Founder of The Community Collective

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